he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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