whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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