All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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