Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
