You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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