Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's get the cat blown out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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