i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
