The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
