I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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