We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
