I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
