I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
