You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
