You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize