I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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