There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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