I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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