And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
