New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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