Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
