What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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