I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
