What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
