I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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