just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
