I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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