If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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