she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
