He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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