i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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