A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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