one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
