i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
