Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
