so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
