No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
