I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
