The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
