There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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