Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
