how can u be prego again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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