The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
