Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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