so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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