And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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