community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
