worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
