Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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