Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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