If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
