Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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