the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
