Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
