yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
