i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
