is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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