How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
