There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
