i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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