just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
