Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
