You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
barbara walters just said penis...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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