You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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