I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
