I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
