Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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