It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
