Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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