so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
