I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
